I began as a garden ornament (scarecrow type of thing) in Ole Miss’s back yard. Ole Miss was having a fancy garden party for her garden club and she thought I would look kinda cute holdin’ court in a flower bed. I’m made from some longhandled underwear stuffed with plastic bags, a painted pillowcase head and some lovely boots from a garage sale. My dress is clean, starched and a little faded. I wear a practical, but stained apron and a lovely garden hat with a saucy flower stuck in the brim. My hair is gray Spanish moss and beside me is a little table holding my favorite tea cup, teapot and a tin of Tube Rose snuff. Also beside me is a little ceramic black and white dog.
Well sir, the night before the big party, it come the biggest, baddest thundercloud you’d ever seed and the lightening was a-poppin’ ever-which-away. I’m just a stittin’ there looking nice, minding my own business, when one of the bolts hit me square on the top of the head! ZAP!! Lo and behold, I wuz transformed to a fair you well! My eyes popped open, my heart began to thump and all my wobbly joints come to life! Talk about!! I’m as real as anybody and so is that cute lil’ black and white dog. I named him Sprout, I did, and me and him jumped up and ran around like a house afire, looking at all the neat things bloomin’ in the yard.
There’s some poppies, hollyhocks, larkspur, lamb’s ears and bunches of other stuff. What a lovely garden! Ole Miss has got a mess of plants growing here. She’s got ever thang lookin’ real purty for the party, but, lordy mercy, she shore could use some help. Don’t she know she shoulda mulched a little more, and don’t she know that salvia won’t do no good planted there? Some manure tea would help them ferns. Hoo-whee! I better git busy. She needs some help I can tell you.
We worked through the night, me and Sprout. He did some weedin’ and I did some transplanting. Put them things where they shoulda gone in the first place, I did. We wuz tired come mornin’ but thangs sure did look better when we wuz through. I guess I better hang around. The Ole Miss needs all the help I can give her.
The next day all them Pearls and Girdles ladies walked around the yard oohin’ and ahhin’ bout them purty flowers and such. Me and Sprout just sit thar lookin’ smug and innocent as a newborn calf, just gigglin’ and sippin’ on that blasted ole’ weak tea when nobody wuz a lookin’ We heard a lot of comments from them purty ladies bout how nice ever thang looked. Bless her heart, Ole Miss just looked a mite confused. She better be grateful ‘cause me and little Sprout done worked ourselves silly gittin’ this place whupped into shape.
Well, I’ll be hollerin’ at ya’ll agin sometime. Take care of yourselfs and be a happy gardener!
Luv, Ain’t Sister Girl
(by Jo Irish, Master Gardener 2006, Paulding County)
